pilgrimage

This month is the one-year anniversary of my surgery, where I had half of my thyroid removed due to cancer. Last year was hard. Really hard.

Now that we have about 4 months left of this year, I look back and realize this year was even harder than the last. Between recovering from cancer/surgery, leaving my corporate job, witnessing my friends lose their child, and a heartbreak that obliterated me, the last 12 months have been intense. Heartbreaking. Humbling. Enlightening.

The things I’ve gone through have drastically changed my outlook on life, the decisions I make and how I choose to spend my time. Crisis has a way of sharpening the picture of your life, bringing into focus the things that truly matter. It blurs out all the extra shit - the stuff I used to care about and spend too much energy on.

When I was faced with the potential of my own death, I learned how much I wanted to live. Not just to be alive on this earth, but to have as many beautiful, awe-inspiring moments I possibly could.

Something I have always deeply loved and valued is travel - especially to other countries. Being in a different place is equivalent to being transported to a whole different world, and I love that feeling. So, after a fucking hard year, I decided to celebrate being alive by doing what I love - traveling.

As a gift to myself, I booked myself a ticket to Europe for two weeks, which cost me a total of $14 after cashing in all my Chase Sapphire rewards points.

I flew into Frankfurt, Germany and flew out of Geneva, Switzerland, with nothing planned in between - I decided to figure out in the moment while I was there. I’ve been missing Europe for 12 years, since I was last there working on a project for my Photojournalism degree.

I realized that I am the only person stopping me from doing the things I want to do. And that I am the only person who can give myself what I truly desire. So I chose to give myself what I’ve wanted for many years: to see the Amalfi Coast. It’s been at the top of my bucket list, along with seeing the Northern Lights.

This was my first time traveling solo - and it was a pilgrimage for my soul. A beautiful opportunity to let my intuition guide me as I made my way down to the south of Italy, allowing the journey to unfold in the most spontaneous way possible. Every night, I looked at the map and decided where I was going and how to get there. I moved to a new city almost every single day, using planes, trains, buses & ferries.

In 16 days, I went to:

Frankfurt>Gries>Paris>Milan>Rome>Salerno>Atrani>Amalfi>Positano>Capri>Naples>Amsterdam>Geneva.

I stayed in the homes of family, friends, Couchsurfing hosts, hostels and airbnbs. I met wonderful people along the way, who graciously shared their time, space and energy with me. They shared stories from their lives, offering me a glimpse into different worlds.

I met my baby cousin for the first time, saw Mona Lisa at the Louvre, explored Rome on the back of a scooter, swam in the Mediterranean Sea, listened to opera in the streets of Milan, celebrated PRIDE in Amsterdam, spent quality time with a dear friend, danced with strangers in the street (multiple times!) saw the Full Moon set over Amalfi, ate so many damn pastries, soaked up the sun, met so many beautiful souls, and more.

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Something notable: I met three people on my journey; all of whom were younger than me and had lost their fathers. They all shared a bit of their experience with me. One said they still cry when they think of their dad, another said they haven’t experienced happiness the same way since; another is traveling the world with money they inherited, soaking up new life experiences.

It reminded me that it doesn’t matter who you are, how successful you are, what language you speak, what corner of the world you live in - grief and heartbreak is the same. It colors life in the same dark shades. It changes how you experience and perceive life.

I was deeply moved by my interactions with these people. It felt like a gift whenever someone chose to share a part of themselves with me. When someone shares their pain and grief with me, it is both heartbreaking and healing. To be a witness to someone else’s grief is such a privilege.

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My trip felt less like a vacation, and more like an intense crash course in intuition, self-discovery and life lessons. I learned so much about myself.

I learned how much I love traveling alone, and how capable I am of making things happen for myself.

I learned that even in a place that is absolutely breathtaking, not having someone else to share the experience makes it feel less meaningful.

I appreciated (even more) the deep and nourishing connections I have with the people in my life.

I remembered that wherever I go, there I am.

While we all journey through this life on our own, what gives it all meaning are the people and relationships we encounter along the way.

I was humbled, over and over, by the kindness and generosity of strangers. They welcomed me into their homes, helped me find my way countless times, introduced me to their friends, and more.

Because I allowed myself to open to life and receive, I was able to have so many different kinds of experiences in a short time. Some were beautiful, some were mundane, some were filled with pure joy; others with loneliness and exhaustion.

I am so thankful for the opportunity to have gone on this trip.

I am thankful for this life, in which every day I get a little better about listening to my heart and my soul.

Every day I care a little less about how others perceive me and more about how I perceive myself.

Every day is another opportunity to create a reality that is aligned with what my soul desires: expansion, growth, intimacy, connection, joy, LOVE.

To be human is such a divine experience. To have another day on this earth is a blessing. To know that all of this is temporary, and will inevitably end, is what makes it all the more delicious.