It’s Here

The moment I've been waiting for all year.

Since a Covid rapid test led me down an unexpected rabbit hole of health issues back in January, I've been waiting for some answers. 7 months later, I finally got some...Kind of. After 3 biopsies, an MRI, multiple tests, blood work & hospital visits, I got the call. The doctor said they believe I have thyroid cancer, and need to schedule a surgery to remove my thyroid.

I was shocked by the news, but even more shocked by my own reaction. I had spent months working this out in my head, accepting whatever was coming. I thought I would be more prepared for this kind of news, but it still shook me, hard.

My son was there when I got the call, and was really scared when he saw me drop to the floor, crying. When I told him the news, he fell to the floor, tears streaming down his sweet little face. I held him, both of us crying, as he voiced all of his fears.

"I don't want to be without you."

"I don't want them to cut your body open."

"I can't live my life without you."

It broke my fucking heart. But after he got it all out, he wiped his tears and insisted we go out and do something fun to get my mind off of things, so we went paddle boarding with a few friends and watched the sun set over the water. My sweet little angel helped me focus on the good in that moment,

I know I'll be ok, but at this moment, the path forward feels uncertain. It looks gloomy and clouded over, but I know that as I move through this, the clouds will fall away and I will turn a corner and discover a beautiful view.

The last 7 years of my life have been difficult. Becoming a parent. Witnessing my close friend lose her child. Moving to a new state. My marriage falling apart. The rise and fall of friendships and relationships. Starting over, what felt like again and again. So much heartache, but so much growth. So much evolution. I wouldn't be the person I am now without those experiences.

This feels like a final initiation; the season finale of a really wild chapter in my life. I'm being stretched so hard, like an arrow pulling back on a bow, right before it springs forward. I can't wait to meet myself on the other side of this.