Juicy AF

I'm manifesting JUICY.

This year, I've decided I want a juicy life. And I'm learning that when I want something, I need to embody it myself in order to attract it. When I think of the word juicy, I imagine a peach; fat and ripe, bursting with luscious flavor. A big bite out of that peach is pure ecstasy; sweet nectar streaming down my chin and leaving me satiated yet longing for more.

This means I want juicy relationships, friendships, collaborations and projects. I want the interactions I have with others to leave me feeling seen, understood and full of love. And I want to others feel the same way when they interact with me.

But first, the relationship I'm manifesting juicy in above all is the relationship with myself. This has changed my life in so many ways - my lifestyle is different, my standards are different, my relationships are different. The way I move through the world is different, and will continue to evolve and change as I do.

As I spend more time exploring my inner world and connecting with myself, I realize how deeply I have internalized misogyny. I feel sick from overconsumption of mainstream culture that is deeply affected and controlled by the preferences of men. In my lifetime, I have learned to hate my body, believing that I'm only worthy of love if my stomach is flat, my butt is bigger and my skin is flawless. I've been taught that as a female, I am an object to be leered at by insecure men and critiqued by insecure women; an object that's supposed to be "pretty" but not much more.

These realizations fill me with a lot of anger and sadness. My body does not exist for the purpose of being looked at. It's not meant to represent who I am as a person or what my soul has to offer. I've been on a healing journey since the end of 2020, when severe depression left me realizing that there had to be more meaning and purpose to all of my experiences. Since then, I've been unlearning my societal conditioning and learning to release the expectations of others who will never know what it's like to walk in my shoes.

The darkness I feel is balanced by the beauty and light that life always has to offer. I'm learning how special it is to be a woman in this world, and how powerful it is to step into my power without apologizing for it. I'm learning that being my truest self gives others permission to do the same. I'm learning the importance of using my voice and not sacrificing myself for the perceived happiness of others.

I feel so grateful that the universe has brought me all the right people and energy I desperately needed at this time in my life, including my incredible friend Jen. She's become my spiritual mentor and coach, helping me to remember who the fuck I am. One of her recent assignments for me was to be my own client and give myself The Goddess Experience. I cannot tell you how much fun I had!!

I spent hours loving on myself, enjoying a lavender milk bath, eating luscious fruits, dancing & singing in my silk robe, and of course, quality time with my camera. I bought myself 3 bouquets of flowers and marveled at their beautiful, vibrant colors. I rubbed velvety soft rose petals against my skin. I observed the thoughts that ran through my head as I looked at myself in the mirror, noticing the usual "your stomach is too big, your face isn't slim enough, etc", and let it pass. I sat with myself, through judgement, doubt, love, and everything in between.

It turned out to be exactly the medicine I needed, and I think it's medicine that all women need.

I am now offering this experience to you. The Goddess Experience will include some tangible goodies that will help you connect with your own version of juicy and experience the luscious depths of your being. This is a part of the process of capturing your energy, your light, your truest self.